My thoughts......

So the last couple of weeks have been hard to say the least. I never realized how much I could hurt for someone else.

Having Jodi diagnosed with Breast Cancer and then returning home to a family dynamic that I am struggling with has been challenging for me emotionally.

I want so badly to fix Jodi, or at least be able to help her. I am so frustrated that I can't do anything. She is hurting and struggling and I can't even hug her. The days after her first treatment were so hard for me. She was so sick and I felt so helpless. I couldn't even think about it without bursting into tears. I'm such a baby. She seemed to be holding it together better then me. Plus, I feel guilty thinking about myself during this hard time for her. What to do.....

I have never been a real needy person but the last couple weeks have been so hard with Jake's training. I am usually just fine with him gone. I've made it through 2 deployments, multiple TDY's and him working the missile field for a couple years, but this is harder. I think the reason is because I need him to support me emotionally so bad and he isn't around. But, to make it worse, when he is home he isn't really here. All he does is eat, shower and sleep, alot!!! I only feel needed when he is hungry or has dirty clothes. I feel so used......

He is working so hard and this training is not easy for him. I feel horrible to even say these things when I am his support. But, I'm loosing it!!!! ONLY 5 MORE MONTHS!!!!

On the bright side..... I have gotten strawberries, peas, lettuce, radishes and carrots from my garden. I am still waiting for my raspberries, tomatoes, corn and squash. I feel so proud of my little garden. I can't believe I have a garden and I have actually grown food.

Well, its late and I hate climbing into bed alone but I must. I pray that tomorrow brings health to my family, less calories to me, a wonderful sabbath, and strength to Jake. Oh, and peace........